This is very much a purge.
Here's a load of things I wrote when I was a kid. Be prepared to cringe.
_______
Zymotic
Seeing the deception
Spreads like a disease
My laconic nature
Compels me to see this cargo washed ashore
But then it infects others
The antidote not always entirely effective
And so it ferments
Each day growing stronger
Until it eventually becomes deadly.
_______
Alcohol Drip
Stuck in a catatonic state
Lost the will to pro-create
It's time to wipe clean the slate
Noe I've got my drip it's just hate
My alcoholic drip
Takes me on a fuckin' trip
I've got blood on my hands
But it's all for the fans
My bloods taking such a strain
Different drink means different pain
Why this is I can't explain
Always seems to stay the same
My alcoholic drip
Takes me on a fuckin' trip
I've got blood on my hands
But it's all for the fans
Stuck in a catatonic state
Lost the will to pro-create
It's time to wipe clean the slate
Noe I've got my drip it's just hate
My alcoholic drip
Takes me on a fuckin' trip
I've got blood on my hands
But it's all for the fans
_______
Stupid
The dead plant's still hanging there
'Cause the people who live here don't dare
To take it down
To ease the frown
And the people who live here don't care
Take the train but don't pay the fare
To take them there
To anywhere
Fuck you and your minutes silence
Now it's time to cause some violence
Fucking nice dream while it lasted
Now it's gone you stupid bastard
The perfect plan stays in place
Kill the fly use my face
There's nothing now
I don't know how
And I just didn't reason why
But the people begin to cry
Their own mistake
They're just so fake
Fuck you and your minutes silence
Now it's time to cause some violence
Fucking nice dream while it lasted
Now it's gone you stupid bastard
_______
Wasted Hate
I waste my hate every day
Mindless conformists in my way
Individuals will succeed
Conformists will fail so watch them bleed
While you stay in your rut
Life passes you by
You'd do something different
But you're too scared to try
Stupid fucking mindless twat
Don't like thought, they've seen to that
You make me sick, that's why I hate
Sitting at home has sealed your fate
While you stay in your rut
Life passes you by
You'd do something different
But you're too scared to try
While you stay in your rut
The world passes you by
You'd do something different
But you're too scared to try
_______
Denied
Naked and alone
Nowhere left to go but here
Talking on the phone
Loss that seems to last for years
I need you more than I need hate
Wanted you to copulate
I love you more than I love me
Is this the way it's got to be?
Trapped inside your cage
Cut yourself to ease the pain
Sadness turns to rage
Only thing that keeps you sane
I need you more than I need hate
Wanted you to copulate
I love you more than I love me
Is this the way it's got to be?
I need you more than I need hate
Wanted you to copulate
I love you more than I love me
Is this the way it's got to be?
I've got fuck all to do today
Songs can't take the pain away
Tried to find somewhere to hide
But we we'll forever be denied
I've got fuck all to do today
Songs can't take the pain away
Tried to find somewhere to hide
But we will never be denied
_______
Organised Bullshit
Learn to hate
Over one god
Always fighting
Always bleeding
Fighting over differences
Religious disease
No god
Only religion
Take it on all levels
Politicians to poor
Terrorism dominates
Count the cost of war
War over nothing
Well it means nothing to me
Hated by both sides
But I can't look away
END:
War over god
Scars never heal
Violence remains
Violence is real
(x2)
_______
Because
Without all the shit that goes on in the world,
what would we have to complain about?
I would like a perfect world
But it's not gonna happen anytime soon.
Someone likes it this way: it's good for business.
Why not?
What makes us better than animals?
We're worse, if anything
And deep down, we all know it
But we don't (often) eat each other
Because it's programmed into us.
By who?
How the fuck should I know, fucker
_______
May 2,500 insufferable amateur musicians interview clever child prodigies in your bottom
May 10,000 rotund animal rights protesters build a golf course in your cigarettes
The frustrating grain of sand
One day I was walking down the street when Alan set fire to his trousers.
You oblivious container of grisly backfired enemas
You inept pile of sloshy cow pies
You god-awful glob of raunchy Ewok excrement
May a handful of suicidal pointy-haired bosses shout Marxist slogans between your sheets
_______
i sit alone
as usual
waiting for the faintest glimmer of hope
postcard
phonecall
nothing
i feel incomplete when i think about her
not sure why
probably love
(first time for everything)
can't do anything
can't stay focused long enough
so much to do
but i can't
i think of her again
she will return
and i will be useful again
_______
Secret
Why do people hand me their pain?
I keep their secrets as well as my own.
Too loyal to reveal
Too fucked up to let slip.
I know things
You think you want to know.
If I told you
You'd never look at people the same way again.
Some of the secrets I keep
Have become knowledge.
I said nothing.
Once revealed
A secret no longer burdens me
But may scar the relevant people
As telling me their secrets
Has scarred me.
_______
I been to far to come back
Questioning everyone
But not looking into my own
What I thought was now empty
Is still full
Leaking
But still almost full
And filling all the time.
_______
This is how I feel right now
A shell half filled with broken promises
A tangled mess of loose ends
Feeling much but realising little
I've come to know my heart is fragile
Shattered by the sledgehammer of rejection
Far too often
If only it could be as good as before
Then the shell could fill with hope
_______
when you look
in the mirror
do you see the real you?
when you look
at your photos
can you see the real you
______
Fused Wires
My emotions
Shielded in hatred
Feelings locked away
For someone who should have been mine
Living with the knowledge
We both know can't be shared
Secrets we keep
To aid our suffering
I leave you with a smile
Happy but longing
Waiting for a taste
Tortured in the time between
I see you here
Silent
But saying so much
Words of joy
Tempered by anguish.
_______
South
I'm standing there.
Waiting for her.
And she never comes.
And I wait.
But no.
I'm sitting there.
Upset about something.
No one thinks to ask.
I'm there.
Alone.
Surrounded.
No one pays any attention.
I go upstairs.
Release my emotion in private.
A friend.
Or not.
I pour myself out.
Drops spill on the ground.
It feels better.
For now.
_______
Serrated
Leaving a void
Too wide to be filled
Can I recover
Or will I hurt too much?
This isn't the end
A beginning in a way
The start of a recovery
I may never finish
I'll go on without you
To catch myself up.
_______
We connect
On a level I've never felt.
I feel your love
From thousands of miles away.
I know we'll be together
One day.
Even now I know
I need you.
_______
Morning After
Retching at the thought
Of waking next to you.
So unclear:
Your motives,
Your seduction.
How did I get here?
Looking for my clothes
Trying not to wake you.
No use.
I find the evidence:
Staining the carpet near your bed,
And leaving a trail of ash on your pillow.
I consider,
Then climb back in.
I don't know your name.
Sandra?
Sally?
Something like that?
It's only 5am.
I'll work it out later.
_______
Lost
Looking for someone
Not really sure
Who
Why
But I feel a need
Deep in my soul
For another half
The missing piece
To make me complete.
_______
Making The Crowd
Nothing actually wrong
With making the crowd
Even in the month that hurts.
Breaking Almost.
Looking for a sign.
An appraisal.
All I need.
Feeling unreal
Sparkling depression
Avoiding a crowd
Still looking for company.
_______
Glamour
Diamond filth
Losing its value
Finding a reason
Not to notice.
Fearing the grip of rejection
Guaranteed uncertainty
Feeling too much.
_______
Found (in a ditch)
Lucky to be alive
You stumble
Expecting your family
Neglected and in poverty
To let you back in.
Lucky you said.
Lucky to be alive.
Lucky I haven't kicked the fuck out of you.
You selfish
Self-centered
Attention seeking...
There aren't enough words to describe how much I despise you
And everything you stand for.
_______
Seeking
Scenic in her route
She came to realise
All that is might not be
Insecure in the knowledge
She began to seek
Finding solace in a sea of ideology
Finally it bit her
Breaking her faith
Releasing her dark secret
Showered everyone
In strips of her soul
_______
Depth
I'm fragile
So fragile
I'll fall apart at any moment
But I won't unleash a vein
To release my pain
I can't do without
Another soul in my life
But I don't need the pain
Of another broken heart
Can you help me
Get through another day
Without another friend
I can never say
That I'm happy
Alone in my head
Do i need more time
I know I can't last a lifetime
Alone
What scares me most is never
Knowing what my problem is
_______
Analysis Of Closeness
I see your scheme
Predictability
But I don't care because
I know you too well
I've seen that look in your eyes
Too many times
Your common sense is like
A fleeting speck of happiness
But I agree it's only for fun
Even if you fail to see the truth
It all seems so obvious
And it always has
But since it's none of my business
I won't pass judgement
Cos you'll only see it the same as me
Sometime
You've dragged me through the hedge
Of plans to keep myself in trouble
But if you'd just see a reason
You'd know you were thinking just like me
So take my bitterness
And make it seem more justified
'Cause I can't take advantage
It's not a failing
A virtue without reward
As usual I'll mess things up
And we'll be back to square one
_______
I've never felt like this before
A feeling like a thousand hurts
The truth revealed after such pain
Only now i see what's kept me here
I've held back for all this time
But now I cannot see the reason
A barrier within my mind
Has stopped me acting on those urges
_______
Things are falling apart around me
I look to you but see there's no one there
You just don't care enough
It's because you don't realise
How much I need to share my feelings for you
How could you know?
_______
Abject Fucking Misery
I can't see through all the lies
But I know the only thing you want is what you despise
I've been told a thousand times
But nothing ever adds up but the meaningless shit you all spout
I've tried to get along without those tricks
The depths that some will sink to just for cheap thrills
I've seen the aftermath of misjudged actions
But all the help I give is thrown back in my face
I suppose you think that I'm just fine
I take the knocks but I'm too easily damaged
I'm glad I'm not like them but it's so hard
To know that bad intentions always work best
Give me my dignity
Give me the truth
Doesn't that word mean anything anymore
Give me a moment of your precious time
Or else they'll be no one left to turn to
When it all goes wrong for you
I need my friends more than they'll ever know
A few kind words makes all the difference to me
My empathy has only made things worse
It makes me wonder why I even try at all
_______
Honest
The darkness in me rose.
I can do it.
Now I know what it's like to be
A bastard.
And I don't like it.
I thought I would.
Now I have to live.
Live with guilt and knowledge.
This is pessimism.
This is truth.
Life is highs and lows.
Life is too honest.
The sweetener might fade.
If it does, what will become?
This is life.
It hurts.
_______
Sweeter than the seraphim
I need to feel your saccharine
Because you make me feel like no one else
You keep me smiling in the dark
You asked me
Would I do anything for you?
I told you yes
I meant it more than you could ever know
I wonder
Could I just be the one for you?
I hope I am
I see myself beside you til the end
More than just a silly phase
Your warmth flows through me, Wraps around me
A safety blanket just for me
You feel everything i say
_______
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