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ZOMBIE FLESH EATERS FROM MARS!
Carly woke up early that morning. For most people it was a normal September morning, but today Carly was Chief Bridesmaid at her cousin’s wedding! She could barely contain her excitement as she carefully applied her makeup. Carly had been looking forward to this for months. She hummed a song she’d heard on the radio as she brushed her beautiful brown curls and continued to prepare for the big event.
It was unusually pleasant for a September morning. Almost too pleasant…
Carly had been chosen for Chief Bridesmaid because she was very popular. Everyone loved her warm personality and she was easy to work with. She was also very reliable, and there was no way she would let anything ruin her cousin’s special day.
Suddenly, it was time to leave. As the beautiful old chauffeur driven car pulled up, she noticed a glint in the driver’s eye. Something about him was strange. But maybe she was just being paranoid. She shrugged and got in.
The journey to the church seemed to last forever. The driver made erratic turns here and there.
“Do you actually know where the church is?” Carly was forced to ask as they passed the third church in as many minutes.
“Oh, I know where the church is alright!” cackled the spindly old driver. Carly noticed some black clouds form in the sky. A chill went down her spine. The rest of the journey was made in silence.
Eventually they approached the church, its massive spire casting a dark shadow over the people stood in front of the huge oak doors. More black clouds had gathered, and they seemed to be congregating above the church. Carly and the other bridesmaids jumped out of the car, and as the last of them got out, the car sped off, leaving a cloud of dust and smoke for them to choke on. The girls cleaned off their once pristine dresses and joined the assembled mass outside the church. Some people were having their photo taken. The photographer turned his lens onto Carly and took several pictures. The flash was blinding, but as she rubbed her eyes Carly caught a glimpse of the photographer, who bore more than a passing resemblance to the chauffeur. Another chill went down her spine, causing her whole body to tremble.
“Is something WRONG?!” the photographer inquired menacingly.
“N… no… nothings… wro…” Carly tried to get her reassuring sentence out.
“ Well that’s ALRIGHT THEN!”
The gigantic wooden doors flew open and people began to enter the church. There was a small choir wailing along to the sound of an organ. Carly was waiting with the bride as people began to take their seats.
“Are you okay?” asked Jenny, one of the other bridesmaids.
“Terrified!” replied Carly.
“Why? It’s not like you’re getting married.”
“Did you see that photographer?”
“The weird old guy? Yeah, so what?”
“He looked exactly the same as our chauffeur driver.”
“That’s what I thought! But I think we’re just being paranoid.”
“Yeah, maybe you’re right.”
Carly was unconvinced.
They walked down the aisle behind the beautiful bride. Carly had decided not to talk to her about the strange man, as getting married was enough to be worrying about for one day.
The ceremony began. Badly.
“Do you take this woman to be your lawful wedded KNIFE?!” said the vicar, who, somewhat unsurprisingly by now, looked remarkably like the chauffeur and the photographer.
“Pardon?” said the groom, clearly taken aback.
“Sorry, maybe I wasn’t loud enough. I said: Do you take this woman to be your lawful wedded KNIFE?!” He produced a blade, which he promptly pushed into the stomach of the groom. He cried out in agony as warm blood began to trickle from the wound onto the cold stone floor, causing steam to rise. The bride let out a high pitched scream, which turned into a gurgle as the gleaming edge of the knife was used to slit her throat.
There was much commotion as hysterical people tried to leave. One man reached the open doors, only to have them slam shut on him, his screams echoed around the church, even though his head was outside. The doors had cut him roughly in half. Many people were physically ill at the sight of his abdomen bleed on the doors and the stench of his loosened bowels.
The best man tried to play hero. He grabbed the nearest large blunt object and proceeded to attack the ‘vicar’. Unfortunately for him, the fact that the ‘vicar’ was a ZOMBIE FLESH EATER FROM MARS (!) with superhuman reflexes meant that the best man suffered a slow and untimely death at his end of the blunt object, with it lodged in his intestines.
The choirboys all picked up newly sharpened axes and began to put their axes into some trembling meat. Many heads were decapitated and there was much gushing of blood from jugular arteries. Particular attention was paid to Jenny, one of the youngest, freshest slabs of meat. They used the blades of the axes to make careful incisions in the arteries of her limbs and drank from the gushing fountains that appeared.
Carly cowered under a table, quite rightly fearing for her life. Suddenly, the ‘vicar’ picked up the table and threw it into a group of people rocking backwards and forwards in a corner. Such was the quality of the aim that table legs impaled four people. He then turned his attention to Carly. He ripped off her legs and chewed on one for a while, saving the other for snacking purposes.
“Why?” pleaded a tearful Carly.
“Human flesh tastes so much better than McDonalds.”
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