Wednesday, 28 August 2013

Apparently my guinea pig is a racist.

Zelda is 7 months old. She enjoys carrots, hay, doom metal and twerking.

Zelda is a racist, according to some media pundits.

I am not sure when 'twerking' became a racially specific practice, but apparently only women of african decent are allowed to do it without it being either racism or cultural appropriation. This will come as a great shock to people in nightclubs around the world, not to mention the guinea pig population. Turns out you weren't have a good time doing a sexually suggestion dance, you were being racist.

I put this to Zelda, who replied "WHEEK WHEEK WHEEK WHEEK WHEEK WHEEK WHEEK", which I took to be a strenuous denial of the accusation of racism.

Link is also a guinea pig who enjoys twerking. 

As Link is partially black The Guardian says it is ok for him to twerk.

Link states "WHEEK WHEEK WHEEK", which roughly translates as "what a load of bollocks, were both Peruvian for a start and we've been shaking our arses for centuries. Does The Guardian just hate guinea pigs? Fascists".

In other news a mallard is suing thousands of teenage girls over their appropriation of the 'duckface'. Cats launch class action lawsuit against entire Internet over defamation of character regarding a long running campaign implying they are illiterate.